how to make garlic sauce from papa john's (totally accurate recipe no bullshit)

originally made on november 28, 2023
released on november 1, 2025

 

guys i got some leaked info from the papa john headquarters!!!!! i found out how to make the garlic sauce!!!!!!!1111

 

things you will need:

• microwave

• bowl

• butter

• garlic (or garlic powder idk)

• onion powder

• salt

• whisk

• a will to live

• good cholesterol tolerance

• cheesesticks because you are not biting your fingers

• a 30 year old bottle of crystal pepsi

 

now how to make:

 

step 1: get butter and put some of it into a bowl.

step 2: put bowl and butter into microwave for about like 30 to 90 seconds.

step 3: burn your hands because you didn't wear gloves after trying to grab the bowl that was just heated up.

step 4: grab it again without gloves anyways (you dumb fuck).

step 5: spill hot butter and get burns on yourself.

step 6: scream.

step 7: contemplate life or death.

step 8: realize that you forgot the cheesesticks from earlier so you go to papa john's to get some.

step 9: cheesesticks.

step 10: there's garlic sauce already pre-packaged with the cheesesticks.

step 11: put the garlic sauce in the fridge for later.

step 12: go back to steps 1 to 2 and wear gloves this time.

step 13: put the heated bowl of butter onto a counter or table.

step 14: add garlic/garlic powder, onion powder, and salt. since you are recreating an american treat, we will use all of the proportions inside each container. did you forget that? did you really think that when i said "some" butter that i actually meant just 1/16th of a tablespoon of butter? no. now repeat steps 12 to 13, you goose honker.

step 15: the last thing you would want in your bowl of heated butter is a bowl of not heated butter, so double check. oh and also put in those ingredients from earlier idk.

step 16: whisk.

step 17: oh i'm sorry: the cheesesticks are cold? put it in the microwave. and don't burn yourself this time.

step 18: put your dinner on the table.

step 19: eat dinner with the garlic sauce you just made.

step 20: to celebrate, drink your prized possession of a 30 year old bottle of crystal pepsi.

step 21: oh no...

step 22: vomit.

step 23: immediately rush to the fridge, and instead of getting some water like a normal person, grab the garlic sauce you got from papa john's earlier, and use that instead.

step 24: vomit again.

step 25: die.

 

conglaturations! in following all of these 25 steps, you have created the world's worst best garlic sauce ever!

 

kthxbai. >w<